Just Like Her

Today I am finally taking down my Christmas tree. Good thing its fake. This was the first year ever, I have not had a "real" tree, and guess what...it was SO MUCH EASIER. Funny, I remember my mom saying the same thing to which my sister and I would reply, "NO. Its not Christmas without a real tree. The smell is so good." And so it went. We had the real tree-every year. And the turkey. And thoughtful, well-chosen gifts, even though we never made a list. We even made a gingerbread house, lots of cookies and went to see Santa as a whole family (except for my dad).

And then, my mom would routinely call me sometime in January (or maybe Feb.!) to tell me how every year she decorates alone and then, she puts it all away for next year--ALONE. I could hear the emotion in her tone and she struggled to get her words out. Perhaps, I was always gone back to school, or to my own home or had my hands full with my kids. Or, just maybe, (just maybe?), I was a newly independent, strong-willed, stubborn, determined, excited and focused young woman, so busy with building my new life that I forgot to help my mom. Just like my daughter is/does now. I never really paid attention to the pattern, not realizing it until today. By myself, just me and the tree. And GOD.

So now, how eerie, it's me, alone, just like her. But I am really not alone, I know that. As I sit here now, it feels good to remember. Everyday I hear her voice in my words. And each day I look in the mirror, I am beginning to see her face more and more. I complain about my wrinkles, sagging skin and sunspots, just like she did. I talk a lot, just like she did. And I laugh out loud, really loud, just like she did.

More than I know, I am just like her. And I am so proud of that.